Sticky balls for a sensual evening

A beautiful lady is coming to your house for a sensual evening. She texts you and asks what you’re making for appies. But wait! What the frick is an appie?! Fear not, my Casanova friend, for I have the easiest appetizer in this universe and the next: sticky meatballs.


  • 1 cup grape jelly (NOT grape jam—key difference)
  • 1 bottle Heinz Chili sauce (750 ml)
  • 1 box of frozen Swedish meatballs


  1. Put a large saucepan on medium high heat (make sure it’s big enough to fit all the meatballs and has a lid). Put 1 cup of the jelly in the pan, melt a tad and add the whole bottle of Heinz.
  2. Stir and mix until all the jelly is melted and mixed in with the chili sauce. I use a whisk because it cuts up the jelly easier, but anything with a handle will do.
  3. Lower heat to just under medium and add the whole box of meatballs. Make sure all the meatballs are covered in sauce and put the lid on and leave. Forever.
  4. Just kidding. Let simmer for an hour and mix every once in a while, coating the tops of the meatballs with sauce.
  5. When you’re done you can either eat them as is or stab them with those little toothpicks with the frilly bit on top and show this lady what romance really means.